Boot To Capital Hill's Head!

It's an odd thing living only a few minutes away from the capital city of the United States. Traffic's lousy, body cavity searches are to be expected, and the cost of living is astronomical. However, the one shining beacon in this otherwise dreary area is the fact that we are within striking distance of Capital Hill.

And while others may strike with a glove, I shall strike with a boot.

Today was supposed to be good. Barack Obama who, while far from the perfect president, was the best of what we had, overturned the policy of the Bush White House that banned federal funding for embryonic stem cell research.

Bravo, Mr. Obama. Jolly good show. This was an important step in washing away the sour taste in our nation's mouth that George W. Bush left. Should all go according to plan, the European Union and other first world nations will no longer leave us in the proverbial dust, choking to death. Stem cells are an important, if not the most important, field of experimental medicine available to us, and our President just made sure we can actually do stuff with them.

Now allow me to put down the martini and remove my monocle, so that I may explain why the government gets hit with my boot anyway.

Republicans in Congress panned this move, claiming that Obama's actions "rolled back important protections for innocent life, further dividing our nation at a time when we need greater unity to tackle the challenges before us." (Rep. John Boehner, R-Ohio)

NO!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!


"But Mighty Author!" I can hear you say. "Surely you can agree that life must be protected!"

I certainly can, my friends. In fact I do.

Life is sacred. Ideally, I would try to save every life. And this is what Mr. Obama's new policies are aimed to do.

"But Author!" again you exclaim. "Stem cells can only be harvested by destroying innocent babies!"

*slap*

Quiet, you. Before I aim the boot cannon in your direction.

WRONG! While this was the case when the Bush Administration put its policies in place (a move I disagreed with), this is no longer true!

Waaaaay back in 2006, Advanced Cell Technology (a U.S. biotech company out of Mass.) announced they had developed a method in which a single cell is removed from a developing embryo at the eight-cell stage, then allowed to culture in a petri dish as the original embryo goes on to become a full-fledged fetus. While less effecient, science has effectively found a way to harvest human embryonic stem cells WITHOUT DESTROYING OR EVEN HARMING THE EMBRYO THEY COME FROM!

Let me say that again.

EMBRYONIC STEM CELLS CAN BE GATHERED WITHOUT HARMING THE EMBRYO ANYMORE!

It boggles the mind that I, a lowly college student who daylights as a junior accountant, knows more about this subject than a United States Congressman!

So. Representative John Boehner, you get a boot to the head for speaking on a subject you know jack shit about, having a last name that makes me giggle, and for being pants-on-head retarded.

And for those of you who agree with him, you'd best remove the pants from your own head before I hurl my next boot.